EdGazms

OneSemester-worth of Pain

Fri, 19 Oct 2012 06:29:08 -0400

Ngayon lang ako maglalabas ng sama ng loob, at kahit alam kong wala namang makakabasa nito na maaaring magpakalat, kailangang vague pa rin ang isusulat ko.

Una sa lahat, hindi ko ginustong ilagay n’yo ako sa posisyon na ‘yon. Hindi na lang ako nakatanggi dahil ayokong sa simula pa lang ay isipin nyo na ako’y mahina. Tinanggap ko ‘yon, sa pag-asang makakatulong ko kayong lahat. Pero hindi, lahat ng bigat ay nasa akin pa rin. Tuwing may isang aalis, sobra akong nanliit, dahil iniisip ko na lahat ng pwede ninyong sabihin sa likod ko. Tapos nito lamang, nalaman ko na may nagsabing hindi ko raw “deserve yung position”. Gaya nga ng sabi ko, hindi ko ginusto yun, at kundi lang dahil sa posisyon na iyon ay matagal na akong umalis. Hindi ko rin gusto na kapag nagkakagulo na tayo, nasa akin lahat ang sisi. Labinganim tayo, at pinasok natin ‘to bilang isang team, pero bakit kapag dinudurog na tayo, ako lagi ang sumasalo? Ako lagi ang humaharang? Tapos makakarinig pa ko ng masasakit na salita. Buong semestre ko ‘tong tiniis, ni minsan, hindi kayo nakarinig ng reklamo mula sa akin, liban na lamang nitong mga nakaraang araw, n’ong gusto ko ng sumuko dahil hindi ko na kaya yung bigat ng responsibilidad.

Pangalawa, direkta kong mensaho sa’yo ‘to. Oo, totoo, may gusto ako sa’yo, pero alam ko ang lugar ko, alam kong hindi tayo pwede, kaya pinili ko na lang na maging magkaibigan tayo. At iyun nga, naging magkaibigan nga tayo. Higit pa sa kaibigan; matalik na magkaibigan. Naaalala mo nung isang gabing nabad trip ako sa’yo, at para makabawi ka sa akin ay niyaya mo ako ng inuman. Naaalala mo yun? Nung umiyak ako sa harap mo, nung nagkwento ka tungkol sa buhay mo? Tumaas ang respeto ko sa’yo nun, iba ka, iba ka sa mga taong nakilala ko. Simula noong araw na yun, naging napakahalaga na ng pagkakaibigan natin para sa akin. Wala kang pakialam kahit tinutukso na nila tayo, na may relasyon daw tayo. Dun ko nalaman na pinapahalagahan mo rin ang pagkakaibigan natin. Alam mo na ang kwento ng buhay ko, kaya naiintindihan ko kapag tumatawag ka sa dis oras ng gabi para mangulit at mangamusta. Alam ko din ang kwento ng buhay mo, kaya alam kong naiintindihan mo kung bakit nililibre kita laging kumain. Pero bakit ganon? Pakiramdam ko, nag-eenjoy ka kapag ikaw yung nakaksakit ng damdamin ko. Alam mo namang madali akong madepress sa mga bagay na naririnig ko tungkol sa akin, pero napakasakit kung sa’yo pa manggagaling. Salamat at ang dahilan kung bakit mo ginagawa iyon ay para magawan ko ng paraan at magbago ako. Naiintindihan ko iyon. Ayoko din yung bigla ka na lang magagalit sa akin nang wala akong ka-alam-alam, at dahil sa mga mabababaw na dahilan, at nagmumukha akong tangang text nang text at tawag nang tawag sa’yo. Pero samantalang ako, andami ko nang dahilan para magalit sa’yo, pero hindi ko ginagawa, iniintindi kita. Kahit minsan, di pa kita naririnig na nagsosorry sa akin. At ngayon, napakabigat na nga ng pakiramdam ko, dumagdag ka pa. Habang tina-type ko ito, iniisip ko kung kailan mo ulit ako kakausapin. Galit ka nanaman sa akin, di ko nanaman alam ang dahilan. Parang kahapon lang ay kino-comfort pa kita dahil bumagsak ka sa isa mong subject.

At pangatlo, para sa inyong lahat na ang tingin sa akin ay batong ‘di nasasakatan. Alam kong tumatak na sa isip n’yo na ko ay masayahing tao, mapagbiro, at parang walang inaalala sa buhay. Pero sana, kahit minsan, maalala n’yo pa rin na tao pa rin ako at may nararamdaman pa rin ako.

well i don’t care if he farts on me i’ll even...

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 06:13:43 -0400

well i don’t care if he farts on me i’ll even preserve it in a jar

kawaiisparkledesu: what i can’t believe a christian...

Sun, 08 Jul 2012 12:01:59 -0400

kawaiisparkledesu:

what

i can’t believe a christian organization would advertise something like this.

Photo

Wed, 04 Jul 2012 10:51:40 -0400

HEY

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 03:13:04 -0400

I haven’t text blogged in months. I will, one of these days, once I get a free time (and by free time, I mean when I’m not feeling lazy) and once I clear my head.

There’s just a lot of awful and weird things going through my mind lately, I can’t think properly.

Deuces!

Photo

Wed, 27 Jun 2012 03:06:51 -0400

Photo

Tue, 26 Jun 2012 06:22:03 -0400

BUSTER!!!! :D

Mon, 25 Jun 2012 10:33:17 -0400

BUSTER!!!! :D

Photo

Wed, 13 Jun 2012 09:18:52 -0400

Game of Thrones - Season 2 (Part 1/2)

Tue, 12 Jun 2012 06:07:28 -0400

Game of Thrones - Season 2 (Part 1/2)

petesnpeters: Happy Birthday Peter Hayden Dinklage (born June...

Mon, 11 Jun 2012 13:03:45 -0400

petesnpeters:

Happy Birthday Peter Hayden Dinklage (born June 11, 1969)

my favorite show

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 06:14:00 -0400

my favorite show

“I hate to pose in photos with him,” the 5-feet 2-inch Poehler...

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 23:00:44 -0400

“I hate to pose in photos with him,” the 5-feet 2-inch Poehler has said of her 6-feet 2-inch husband. “It looks like he’s taking his niece to the Shrek premiere.”

Everyone chooses someone over me.

Mon, 07 May 2012 00:01:19 -0400

silba:

I’m not anyone’s first choice. I’m not anyone’s favorite. People may tell me I mean a lot to them and that I’m special to them but I know there’s someone they will always choose over me.

soml

baby you’re cute come to me baby i wanna hug oh my god...

Sat, 05 May 2012 10:21:08 -0400

baby you’re cute come to me baby i wanna hug oh my god sleep on my bed i will hug you all night oh myg od cute cute cute

Game of Thrones — Minimalist House Posters

Thu, 03 May 2012 18:16:32 -0400

Game of Thrones — Minimalist House Posters

badass daenerys is badass

Tue, 01 May 2012 11:17:56 -0400

badass daenerys is badass

Hated him? I worshipped him. Every girl in the Seven Kingdoms...

Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:52:25 -0400

Hated him? I worshipped him. Every girl in the Seven Kingdoms dreamed of him, but he was mine by oath. And when I finally saw him, on our wedding day, in the Sept of Baelor, lean and fierce and black-bearded, it was the happiest moment of my life. Then that night he crawled on top of me, stinking of wine, and did what he did - what little he could do - and whispered in my ear,

“Lyanna.”

Your sister was a corpse and I was a living girl, and he loved her more than me.

Fun TV Stuff

Tue, 24 Apr 2012 09:30:11 -0400

List 5 TV shows you like before answering questions:

1. Modern Family

2. Game of Thrones

3. Big Bang Theory

4. Glee

5. Keeping Up With The Khardashians (lol)

1. Who is your favorite character in 2?

Renly Baratheon and Jon Snow

2. Who is your least favorite character in 1?

Dede

3. What’s your favorite episode of 4?

Season 1 Episode 22 “Journey to Regionals”

4. What is your favorite season of 5?

All of ‘em

5. What’s your favorite relationship in 3?

Penny and Sheldon’s

6. Who is your anti relationship in 2?

Sansa and Joffrey

7. How long have you watched 1?

Just this year, January maybe.

8. How did you become interested in 3?

I watched one episode on tv and I laughed so hard.

9. Who is your favorite actor in 2?

The ones who play Renly and Jon, don’t know their real names lol

10. Which show do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

A tie between Modern Family and Game of Thrones

11. Which show have you seen more episodes of? 1 or 3?

Big Bang Theory. I’ve watched season 1-3, parts of 4 and 5

12. If you could be anyone from 4 who would you be?

Probably Blaine, cos he’s cool even though he’s gay

13. How would you kill off your favorite character in 1?

My favorite character is Luke :( i’d never kill him.

14. Would a 3/4 crossover work?

No, probably not.

15. Pair two characters in 5 that would make an unlikely, but strangely okay couple:

Rob and Khloe’s black best friend. (racist and i forgot her name)

16. Over all, which show has a better cast, 3 or 5?

KUWTK :)

17. Which show has a better soundtrack, 1, 4 or 5?

Definitely, cos it’s a musical.

18. Give a random quote from 2:

”Winter is coming.”

23rd Annual GLAAD Media Awards as much as i love josh...

Mon, 23 Apr 2012 13:57:05 -0400

23rd Annual GLAAD Media Awards

as much as i love josh hutcherson, it think he’s just saying all of these cos he’s in glaad.

please don’t hate me